When Core Lineage Patterns Are Transformed, It Ripples Out
A couple of things re the rawness of “staying in,” “being with,” and “directly experiencing” in the context of fraught family dynamics.
First, being deeply present in the midst of relationships and/or family systems where there are significant levels of unconsciousness basically produces an altered state of consciousness. The intensity of the sensations/energy can far outweigh what is happening externally. Why?
In addition to moving through your own wounds, you are probably feeling what other people in the situation are not ready to feel yet (and maybe are not even conscious of).
Energy has to go somewhere to be processed!
If people aren’t taking responsibility for their stuff, the one with the presence often gets to “feel it for them.” This is probably one of the things the bodhisattva vow is pointing to at the deep level (it’s not just being “nice” all the time). It means you are stable enough to help others channel the pain they won’t admit to having.
So don’t be dismissive of these states just because “there’s nothing much happening” in the situation externally. In our case, some of the deepest experiences we had in this realm have occurred in totally innocuous moments (routine meals) where there was no “big environmental trigger.”
Second, going through even small thresholds/initiations in how you deal with these core relationships can have huge ripple effects in all areas of your life. Why?
Because core relationships/family are usually the hardest places to become conscious. Our family structure is literally where our conditioned patterns were incubated. And, many of these patterns are lineage patterns, meaning some version of them has been enacted by different people over many generations.
Refer to point one for the consequences of this. Whatever patterning we’re dealing with is going to be on steroids in the family system. What feels like a workable mental habit in the rest of your life will suddenly turn into a case of full on emotional/spiritual possession in the family unit.
So, compassion! This is disorienting. And hard. And an easy place to totally mischaracterize the overall progress you have made.
The reality is that any progress – however small – that happens in the family system will likely show up in other places. It’s like striking at the root rather than pruning the branches for many years. It exposes you to massive amounts of unpleasant energy, but totally re-calibrates how you live and relate to others.
By doing it there, you can do it anywhere.