Doubt as Saboteur

Doubt is one of the primary obstacles to being fully present, to seeing clearly, and to allowing awakening to dawn. Some people have a stronger proclivity for doubt, but everyone will be faced with it along their path.

Doubt can be subtle or gross. When it's gross, we can literally feel its destructive energy - we see our mind spinning out in what ifs and criticisms. We can feel how it paralyzes movement and action. In its subtler form, the thoughts and freeze are more subtle.

One thing to look out for is how doubt can show up at each deepening we experience. When we deepen or have true existential insights, deep underneath our cognitive understanding our being feels disoriented, even a little panicked. When we deepen, perception changes. And this change in perception rocks the boat of our previously perceived stability. This is happening in a place in us that the mind cannot understand or talk us through.

If we continue with our presence and trust, the new understanding will strengthen and find its new stability. However, the ego's response to this change and disorientation is to doubt. We doubt our experience. We doubt our ability to practice correctly. We doubt the path of realization. This successfully (from the ego's perspective) keeps us hovering in a limbo between what was and what is emerging in us. If we don't recognize this we can get a bit stuck here. In this, doubt has succeeded in sabotaging our momentum.

You can do a simple inquiry to check for this.

  • Do I trust presence?

  • Do I trust my capacity and ability?

  • I am holding any doubt about anything regarding awakening?

Don't attempt to fix any of this through thinking or behavior. Recognizing it is ALL that is necessary to break the spell. Just know doubt. Oh doubt, doubt, doubt. Oh there it is again. OH. OH. OH. Let yourself see and feel the physical and mental role it is/has been playing. This will lift the fog and allow you to have a more honest presence again.