Becoming Sensitive to When We Are Not in Integrity

What we sometimes call "death by a thousand cuts" conditioning is the sense of being "kind of angry" or "kind of judgmental" a lot of the time (as opposed to walking around engulfed in rage).

It makes our conditioning look more mild, which makes it (we hope) look "normal" in the eyes of the world, which means nobody will question us about it, which means we won't have to question ourselves about it, which means it can recede into the unconscious.

Bizarrely, "socially and culturally acceptable" conditioning can be far more insidious and difficult to uproot than conditioning that compromises your ability to function in socially acceptable ways (addiction, etc.). When nobody calls you on it, you are probably not going to call yourself on it unless you are sensitive to the fact that you are suffering in that state.

People treat the 1st Noble Truth of Buddhism ("There is Suffering") as some kind of beginning teaching. It's actually way, way on the advanced end of the spectrum. Why? Because many, many people are unconscious of their suffering - of the harm they are doing to self and other. When you've really seen the energy of your own wounding and other people's wounding, non-harming stops being theoretical.

Can you feel the contraction in even one small lie? Can you feel how the sense of separation is evoked as you judge? Can you feel the constriction? Can you feel the sense of peace, wholeness and freedom being compromised? Can you feel the violence in it? Can you feel the harm?

This is the true relationship of deep presence and conduct. What before felt "okay" or "what everyone else does" or "how the world works" is seen - with the development of awareness - to be totally insane.

Presence-awareness brings a greater sense of responsibility because you can actually feel the true impact of things. That's just part what it means to be awake.