Self-Compassion Does Not Mean Cooperating with Our Delusions
All practices have "near enemies." What does that mean? It means that the ego can co-opt any of the qualities of awakening and subtly construct its own "imitation version" of that quality.
In the case of kindness and self-compassion, it's using "being nice to yourself" as a form of self-medication or suppression. Sometimes, there is something that needs to be seen, something that is screaming for your acknowledgement! This urgency creates stress and confusion in your system (your body's reaction to the truth that you will not acknowledge).
Imitation self-compassion soothes the confusion but makes sure that it is not really investigated or held in the space of awareness. It gives reasons, often superficial and unconvincing ones, about why now is not the time, or how much you have been through, or how you deserve a break, or how you always try your best. Or whatever. It's the "after -school special," tween self-talk version of compassion.
Real self-compassion is inseparable from clarity and insight. Rather than suppressing or delaying insight, It starts from the point of view that everything you feared is actually true!
You dislike that person even though you agreed to partner with them.
You no longer want to be in this relationship.
They haven't listened to you for most of your adult life.
You took that job because your ego wanted it and now you need to let a bunch of people down, and those people are going to be really pissed off at you.
You never wanted kids, but now you have them.
Ultimate compassion is only available once the actual catastrophe of our lives has been owned, acknowledged and allowed to exist. Why? Because until then we're bargaining for love with the ego. Trying to deserve it. Trying to perfect the "story of me" to be worthy of it. Because we're constantly falling short, enormous guilt is created, which creates further cycles of separation and disconnection.
The only medicine is noticing that the space of presence itself already forgave everything, because it is forgiveness itself. Everything you swear is too dark, too embarrassing and too horrible, it accepts completely (because it accepts absolutely everything). In this acceptance, the shadow is finally liberated.
This is not how we thought it was going to be!
The "me" didn't get perfected... didn't get it's fairytale resolution. Instead, liberation was found in the train wreck of the ego's decisions. Of the life it made because it didn't know any better.
Presence doesn't care! It needs your honesty. It needs to be invited to touch those places. If you could have fixed it with your conditioned strategies, you would have long ago. See this clearly.