Wanting to Be “Done With It” Opens Us to Faith & Love

Mostly our perception of habits, patterns, and challenging life phases is that "they go on too long."

It simply does not make sense to the ego why certain experiences repeat, or take so long to process, or linger even after the mind has labeled them "resolved."

There is some deep, deep misunderstanding of the process of transformation at work here. Some expectation that we can make the parts we dislike go "poof" despite an entire lifetime of evidence that this is not how it works.

Remember: deep habits are not linear bits of data dispensed with by using "tools."

They are holographic. They exist on multiple levels. They recruit all aspects of the self (sensory/physical, affective, cognitive, energetic). They are connected to others via our deepest, most formative relationships. As a state, they are a kind of possession - a complete takeover of the body-mind by something certain shamanic traditions rightly label an entity.

Unwinding them is the business of presence-awareness.

We will get very, very tired at certain parts of this process. Sometimes death will actually be imagined as a relief. The journey is long. The wayfarer is weary. Teetering on the precipice. Unable to go back to the old life and seemingly unable to progress.

This dilemma is the basis of ultimate compassion, of unconditional love. Love emerges at the edge of wanting to be done with the whole damn project as a clue.

What is it saying?

It says that we don't understand the process of transformation, that our judgements of ourselves and our process are flawed, and that we need to suspend our disbelief once again.

Love opens us back to faith, again and again, for as many times as is necessary until we can actually trust.