Grounding, Conditioning & True Compassion
One thing to notice about egoic defense mechanisms is that they are never grounded.
Blame, shame, guilt, control, passive-aggressive dynamics et.al. all thrive in the ungrounded energy system. All entered as compensations that the younger developmental system used to cope. It was not ready to feel, manage or channel the pain, nor was this skill likely mirrored in any of the adults around us (most of whom were also enacting elaborate defenses not to feel their own pain).
But we're growing. And we forgive ourselves for the defenses we spontaneously constructed to survive. We bow to them. We check if we're blaming. There is actually real intelligence there. Our system did its best with the resources available. Our evidence is that we did actually survive - we're sitting here, reading this and doing this work. That is a lot.
So with the staying in our own space, we're not so much fighting with past action so much as moving to a new developmental stage. We're moving past the compensations of the inner 13-year-old.
As our nature-as-awareness is revealed, there is both a profound sense of connection as well as a profound sense of agency and independence from the conditioning of others.
The deepening of awareness is the end of co-dependence in any form. We are no longer an accomplice to other people's delusions, because we are no longer an accomplice to our own. We are not thrown around in the wind by what people say about us or other people, the judgments they make, the defenses they enact. We can feel the energy behind it. We can feel when something is coming from the ego and when it is coming from the heart, because we've practiced feeling that same distinction in ourselves so, so many times.
Without being able to feel this distinction sharply and clearly in our own system, true compassion in the spiritual sense is not available. Before that, we're acting based on an idea - not on a direct perception of another person. This direct perception is the only way we can totally be in tune with the needs of another. And contrary to the myths out there, it does not always look "nice."
Only the grounded energy system can sense/feel any of this. Only by staying in your own space and learning to sense the situation in the body. Only by pausing before your mind rushes in to label everything. Only by not abandoning yourself.